And The Journey Began

I decided last month that it was waaaaaa......ay past time I start getting my act together and helping myself. I can sit around and wait for the miracle pill that I can pop and then the lbs just fall away. Or I can get my butt up and start taking care of myself. I turn 30 in 4 months. I have no husband and no children and that is my fault. I can't expect a man to love me, when I don't love myself.

So I asked myself what is it about me that is great. Well, I love people with everything I have. I see their faults but I accept them for who they are, pray for them when they need it, and love them no matter what. I am giving. I have been told my whole life that I don't know how to say no. I do. I like to help. as me to do something and I am going to do my best to help.

Then I asked myself, What is it about you that you find beautiful. And this one took a little longer. I could say my eyes. But when I thought it the very next thought was, Ella has prettier eyes. So then I thought well there is my hair. But nope, I couldn't see it as beautiful. Then I realized wait I have a problem here. I am beautiful. God made me. He made me in His image and out of His love. So what can I do to make myself see.

LOSE THE WEIGHT THAT IS HIDING YOUR BEAUTY. Only it can't just be weight loss for vanity's sake. It has to be for more.

It is. It is so I can wake up in the morning without being sore because I have 300 plus lbs resting on my bones. It is because I want to be able to run not just walk. Because I want to grow old and see my nieces graduate college and have babies. So it begins. Well it began because I started 5 days ago. I counted my calories everyday. That is a huge accomplishment. Exercised daily with a bonus super workout yesterday where I walked 2.5 miles in just under an hr. I couldn't believe it. Today I celebrate a victory. 5 days have past and I haven't given up.

I don't know how much I weigh because I have reached a weight higher than household scales weigh. But I know I wear size 30/32 pants and so I have decided to gauge my progress accordingly. So here goes>

I have a dress that is a 28 I can get it on but it is too tight for it to be appropriate. It is perfect for my sister's wedding though. She gets married in 4 weeks. So......

Goal One Size 28 by Feb 11.

It won't be easy and there will be set backs but I am going to Run this race with endurance and the support of my family and my friends.

Ferngully and Popcorn

Today started out with a groggy call before my alarm went off. My mother's truck which she purchased less than a year ago from a cousin had broken down again. She had worked all night and was stuck at the bank. So I got up and began the process of finding someone with a car to pick her up from the garage she had been towed to. I learned something very important. Not everyone sleeps with their ringer turned up at night. So here I was stuck at home calling my mom to tell her I had no way of getting her home. I could hear the pain and weariness in her voice. She has painful bone problems and a whole night on her feet leaves her in great need of rest each day.

I found myself with no other option but to pray everything was taken care of. Not 2 minutes after praying for an answer my phone rang. It was mom telling me a lady had been kind enough to offer her a ride home. The truck has been fixed. 100 dollars later for 10 dollars worth of gas to be added to her tank. apparently she was out of gas and her brand new fuel sending unit which was telling her she had a 1/4 of a tank lied to her. She cried. We just do not have that kind of money to be shelling out for no reason.

So now we are back to the days of keeping a tally of the miles she has driven and the amount of gas she has paid for to determine when she must get gas.

However even in this there is joy. Today my mom learned something she has been struggling with for ages. Even if she hasn't realized it yet. SHE CAN DO IT. Since my father died my mom has tried her best to keep a man in her life even if that man wasn't worth the trash I run to the dump, because she didn't believe she could do it herself. God truly does answer prayers.

So now I am sitting with Layla the little girl I take care of and watching ferngully. She has never seen it and I am blessed in seeing the joy on her face as she experiences this for the first time. And I am enjoying my tasty mini bag of popcorn.

So I leave you all with this. and I pray it blesses you today.

Proverbs 3:5-6 (King James Version)

⁵Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

⁶In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths

Poetry

I sometimes write poetry to get my feelings about stuff out...here are some of my most recent ones....

Up in the air swirling,

That’s the way I feel.

Wondering over and over

Is this for real?

You saw me clearly,

Flaws and all

I saw you fully

Making me fall

I wanted forever

This wasn’t allowed

You said goodbye

Giving up on the now

So I wait for tomorrow

Hoping for release

You move on into something new

You’ve already found peace

Written February 9, 2008

April Frazier

How you left me.

You went through a lot yes we all know

You remind us all the time

Cause you can’t let it go.

While the rest of us try

To go on with our lives

You’re holding us back

With your attempts at demise

Why should we answer to you?

Yeah you’re somebody’s mom

But the last time I checked

It wasn’t mine she’s at home

Can you just let us go

So we can live our own lives

Yeah we might make mistakes

But hey least we tried

Love is strong

And yeah it can win this fight

But why should it have to

When letting go would suffice

So for now I will forgive

And move forward this day

Cause you’ll think you’re right

Doesn’t matter what I say

Written February 5, 2008

I hope you like them....whoever you are :)